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My Testimony

Jesus saved me, He could save you.

 

I am here to tell you how God brought me closer to His heart, His most beautiful most Compassionate heart. Some of you may not know how beautiful God is, how He welcomes us to His heart.  I have gone through so many trials in my life, so many. So many nights where I was crying, so many lonely nights, so many times where I was seized by fear and anxiety.  What was the solution for all of this? It was Jesus and it is Jesus. God is real. My heart hurts for a world that doesn’t seem to recognize God and love anymore. The media, the songs, the false teachings, the sin, the hurt.

 

Friends I would not be here today if it were not for God drawing me closer and closer to Him, calling me out of deep depression and fear, and seeking after His divine heart.

 

The way of sin is death and the way of sin will lead only to more and more death in this world.  In the world you will have trial, but God has overcome the world.

 

I grew up in Texas with two beautiful Catholic parents. We had our struggles financially, with my mom’s health, and in their marriage. But there was never a time in my home that I did not feel loved and know how fully God loved me and how my parents loved me.  My sister was my best friend. I grew up going to Catholic schools, learning about God.

 

Yet, I struggled when I was bullying, received peer pressure to bully another girl, and liked a boy very deeply in middle school for him only to eventually reject me.

 

I grew up listening to pop songs and watching movies and media, all along unaware that I could just reach out to God with my struggles, with my deep hurt and loneliness that the root of rejections left. Ever since I could remember, I was singing.  God put a deep love for music in my heart at an early age yet I couldn’t express my gifts, for fear of being rejected.

 

Right before I started high school, we moved to California.  My sister went through one of the most horrible moments in her life as she started college and my family struggled to help her.  I didn’t understand her depression on that deep of a level. I didn’t understand why she was so unhappy.  I myself made friends and grew to love the arts and creativity during high school. Then my sophomore year of high school I grew up liking another boy and started having trouble with a friend of mine.  I would obsess about this boy and agonize for months about what to do.

 

Why couldn’t I just be myself around him?

 

That is when the root of despair began to take place and I understood. I grew depressed after falling behind with all of the schoolwork I had became too much. I had visited a non-Catholic church for the first time after we moved to California and I felt for the first time warmth within myself during prayer. They taught about dispelling demons — it was very charismatic where you could feel the Holy Spirit and be slain in the spirit. All’s this to say, when I started feeling depressed, I thought I needed deliverance and thought that a demon was oppressing me.

 

My parents took me to get prayed over time and time again and I kind of began to be in shock. I started losing hope that I would be healed and it was at this point that I shut down.  I was very much scared of whatever I felt the demon was attacking me.

 

It was a very strange season of my life that I never thought I would recover from.

 

I basically had a mental breakdown, catatonia, etc., where I didn’t talk and was so fearful of even moving for the rest of the summer and I was seeing things.  Eventually I healed enough to where I could get back to normal and function and we moved to Florida at the end of December.  I only attribute God’s grace for getting me through that previous season of my life because it was with Him that I held onto hope.

 

I wasn’t out of the woods yet because I had a normal high school experience mostly for the next semester, yet fell into the same pattern yet again of liking a boy and not knowing how to be myself over the course of several months.  I had friends and I wasn’t extremely shy, just had this root of insecurity where I was uncomfortable being myself sometimes.  I would obsess about this for months and then it just go to be too much to handle. A variation of the same thing happened. I had a mental breakdown of sorts, seeing things, feeling attacked spiritually, lonely, and hallucinating.  I would go through periods of this up until 2015 when I was finally put on the proper medication in a mental hospital. Over the years after that, I would still have anxiety at times and depression. I feel like all this was from not working through some roots of rejection in my childhood.

 

So where does God play into all this?

 

Well, going through this, I would seek God like I had never before.  I would listen to sermons, read the bible, go to Church, talk to God. I really hid that I had even gone through anything like this because of shame. Shame of what other people would think, a denial that I had even gone through this.

 

When you feel like you don’t have anyone, God shows up for you in a powerful way.

 

I was constantly leaning on Him and going to Him and we formed a deep friendship. So many times when I felt down and lost, God would reach out to me and comfort me and speak to me.  I am so incredibly grateful that I survived something like this and that I am even able to return to a normal life.  It was during this time that I grew very compassionate and began to love God and others with my whole heart.  God was drawing me closer to Him. God is a beautiful God and so, so compassionate. There were so many songs with uplifting lyrics, so many beautiful times where I felt God’s presence like in the Eucharist and at mass. So many times I would listen to something and what they were saying would just hit me.

When you have nothing, you find out that God is all that You need.

 

From the bottom of my heart, I never want you to go through anything like this. But because we are human, we all know we will suffer.   Guess what, God is what is most important. Love is what is most important.  There is hope for anyone going through something and there is hope for whoever has strayed. I really want you to check out the Catholic Church because God founded that Church and helps us within the sacraments.  I want you to be open to God, the One true God who loves you very deeply. He not only loves you, but wants you to remain in a relationship with Him. He wants you to be there for that loved one who is suffering and He wants you to feel at peace.

 

I was a very broken lonely soul. But who do you think God saved and is still putting back together? Me.

 

My heart belongs to Him because once you belong to Him, there is nothing in the world that is better.  He created us and we are made to know and love Him. He was all that I had at my worst and He is all that I need at my best.  I was created to create and to share the truth and the hope of the gospel. Suffering made the gospel so much more personal to me.

 

Am I perfect? No. Have I grown a lot? You bet. Who do I owe that to? God.  It was only with God and His mercy that I am here today. It is only by the power of love that I am who I am.

I will give you rest

Jesus said “Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest.”

 

What does this mean?

 

It means we have a Savior to run to, to turn to. When life gets to be too much, Jesus gives us rest.

 

Rest is a beautiful thing. In a way, anxiety and worry are the opposite of rest. I read somewhere that we need to sit and rest in Him and His love.  Life makes us weary. There can be so many things that can bring us down.  But I love what Peter did when Jesus walked on water.  Peter kept his gaze on Jesus.  Yet when he looked at the waves, he started sinking.

 

When we work so hard to get peace, when we search for peace in anything other than Jesus, we come up empty.

 

Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and The Life.  There is purpose in your life and so much beauty in you.  You are an image bearer of God, reflecting to the world an aspect of God no one else can quite imitate.

 

Why, you say, have bad things happened then? Why have I gone down this dark road of comparison, of hurt, of issues, of sin? Why is my life a mess?

 

Adam and Eve brought sin into the world, into God’s perfect creation.  The world was taken and turned upside down.  As a result, there is pain. There is separation from God.  But since Jesus came and died for us, we can turn to Him and be cleansed of original sin.

 

I say all of this to say that life can be painful scary because of sin. But we can always, always run to Abba Father and jump into His arms.

 

He is a kind, loyal, loving God. I know because God has showed me immeasurable love.  When I was hurting, He was there with me. When I felt like I couldn’t even speak, God spoke to me. When I needed help, He was the One who could help me.

 

Life is not perfect. Life is filled with ups and downs. But turn to Him. When you are down, there is no other way to look than up. There is no other life to live than yours.  You may be lost, broken for a season. But you are here right now living, breathing, being.  What a gift you are to the world.

 

I hope you know something. God is kind.  He will help you if you ask Him, and many times even when you don’t ask Him.

 

Are you hurting?  God can heal.

Are you broken? God can put you back together.

Are you unhealthy? God can bring you health.

Do you have problems? So do I!

 

That’s why I turn to God. That is why I strive to cast my cares on Him. I’m not perfect but we don’t have to be.  We can at least try to come to Jesus.

 

And ask others to pray for you. Ask the saints to pray for you and especially Our Lady.

 

I want you to know something.

 

There is good in you. You are not lost. Weary traveler you won’t be weary long.

 

Give God your burdens.  The next time you worry, start praying. Start asking for help from the Almighty God who created the world. Jesus is telling you, “Don’t lose hope, little one.  Don’t give into despair, worry, fear, or regret. Turn to me and I will give you rest.”

 

Jesus is the Prince of Peace.  He brought peace to the world.  Jesus is the God of Living Waters. All this to say: Go. Go live your life and forgive and laugh and grow close to God.

 

If you have the Lord, you have all you need.

When Night Becomes the Morning

“I thirst for souls that love God.”-Jesus

 

The darkest of nights can give birth to the most glorious of mornings.

 

We were made for so much more.

 

Fellow Christians, I come to you on Good Friday, the day we remember Jesus dying on the cross for us.  I wonder what He felt all those years ago?  Probably lonely, broken, and thirsting for souls to come to Him.

 

It’s amazing that He died for us, that He endured much suffering so that we could spend eternity with Him in heaven. Jesus was so Holy.

 

I imagine what it would have been like in Jesus’ day. The darkest of afternoons where our Lord hung breathing his last breaths, with the weight of so much sin on his shoulders.

 

Yet he endured it, looking forward to the reward of heaven.

 

His apostles all thought it was the end. They hadn’t realized that the end was the start of a beginning. I imagine what they felt when Jesus died.  “Teacher, now what?  What do we do now that you have died?”  I am sure they were afraid for their own lives and disappointed that Jesus, the Son of God had died!

 

But this was necessary.  Because of original sin, we live in a fallen world where sin had separated us from God.

 

Jesus came to restore our relationship with Himself.

 

We are made right with God through this sacrifice and look forward to eternal life with Jesus in heaven if we live upright, pure lives.

 

Many people are so weary, so torn down by life. They are going through dark nights, losing hope. Yet Jesus showed us that these dark nights are not the end of the story.

 

A new day is coming. A resurrection is promised.

 

And Jesus rose from the dead all of those years ago to tell us that Love has the final word.

 

God is so merciful that He gave us a way out of eternal death, a life without God. He gave us a way that we could forever enjoy Him in heaven.  But first we have to endure trials here on this earth. It is so encouraging to realize that these trials are not forever!

 

The Blessed Mother was with Jesus at the cross. Know that Our Lady, Jesus’ mother is always there to help you too.

 

So when it feels like a dark night, be encouraged-the moring is coming.  Hold onto hope! I am praying for you to live your dreams and to grow closer to Christ.

 

Let us pray:

Lord now that we are entering the 3 days of the Passion of Christ, let us always remember that amidst the sufferings there is joy waiting for us. Help us to endure our trials patiently and not lose hope.  I pray especially for those who endure many hardships every day. Bring them closer to Your heart.  Jesus we love you and through the Blessed Mother’s intercession we ask for peace. Heal us and help us to stay close to You. Amen.

Be The Hands and Feet of Jesus

I come back to this topic again and again.

 

Love is more than just a pretty word.  It’s something to be felt and grasped.

 

Sometimes we search after all the wrong things trying to replace, to fill that longing in our hearts.  We desire love.  We desire He who is Love who died for us.  Love is tangible. Love always bears fruits.

 

The love between the Father and the Son is the Holy Spirit.  The love between God and man is Jesus.  The love between a man and a woman is a baby.  Love.  It is to be fought for. It is to be experienced.  It sums up the reason why we live.

 

Some have misplaced the word love for acceptance of all.  Your truth is your truth and to love you means I accept what you believe.  There is no right and wrong.  No, Love tells the truth.  It feels empathy and it goes to those hard places no one wants to go.  It replaces fear with a light bursting forth bright as the day. It heals.  Love is God so when we will the good of another when we care–God is in that.  God is working through us.

 

How many times do we say I love you without even blinking? Let’s stop and relish in these words.

 

I want what is best for you. I want your heart to be whole. I want Your broken heart to feel His love. I want you to be the absolute best you. And I will love you when you are a puddle of tears crying on the floor.

 

Love. Do we fight for it?

 

We get so wounded by the romantic love yet there are so many different kinds of love that reflect God.  Something in me is alive when I love. So do not let your hearts become deadened to the love that is all around.  Be the light.  Be the love that heals a heart and lifts others up. Because making someone else’s day is so much better than my day being made.

 

Love.  It’s sometimes scary but it is worth a risk. So become a friend, say hello, volunteer, sing and give your gift to the world. You never know who needs the love that is in your heart.  Receive the love from God first then give it in big bucketloads.  No, let’s not wait for one day until it is a better time.  Let’s not wait until we are more extraverted and less afraid. Let’s love today. Let’s put love in action by giving ourselves.  Let’s love ourselves.  What if we actually loved ourselves?

 

Friend, life is more than looking a certain way, being a certain way, achieving a certain thing. I have been down the road of comparison and of thinking unkind things toward myself.  What if the Beatles were right? What if all we need is love?  What if we loved just an inch more. Our world would be safer, healthier, lovelier.

 

You see its simple. We can have so many wounds and this map from here to eternity home to heaven?  It starts with me serving others, following in the footsteps of those that have come before me. It all starts with love.

 

 “For in the end what will remain is faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these, is love.”

 

Here are some practical ways you can reach out in love today.

 

  1. Call or text a loved one.

 

When was the last time you reached out to someone you knew and asked how they were or how you could be praying for them? We all like to know we are loved and thought of.  It will always make that person’s day that you thought of them.

 

2. Buy or make someone a “thinking of you” gift.

 

Okay these are my favorite!  My love language is receiving presents and I especially LOVE receiving surprise gifts.  So naturally I give to people I know a lot.  It doesn’t have to be big. You can write an encouraging note emphasizing all the ways you love them. Or you could buy them a gift card to their favorite place.  Again, let’s not wait until birthdays to treat someone special.

 

3. Pray for people.

 

This one is so important!  You can make a world of difference praying for someone and their situation!  Get a journal and write down prayers over your family and friends and their needs.  Next pray over these people and situations every day.  If you wish something were different, pray about it!  God always hears our prayers.

 

4. Inspire others.

 

If you have social media, why not post something inspirational?  Think of ways you can be uplifting your community with your words. Don’t know what to say? Pray about it!  God can use us in incredible ways when we show others we care.

 

5. Donate to a charity or Volunteer

 

You know when you are in the grocery store and they ask if you would like to add on a dollar for a charity?  Do it!  God always rewards a cheerful giver.  Also, find a cause you are passionate about and volunteer once a month or once a week.  God will reward you for giving your time and money back to Him.

 

Love is not a feeling.  It is a decision.  It is an act of the will.

 

Remember, the greatest commandments in the bible were to love God and love others. Start brainstorming how you can make kindness and loving others apart of your daily routine.  Friends life is short. Let us all spread love today!  Let us soothe the aching wounds others have with our love.  This makes a world of difference.  Start with the people around you today!

 

Society is so “me” centered!  Instead, let us make our lives others centered and attend to our brother and sister’s needs.

 

We are Jesus’ hands and feet in this world.

 

Let us love well.

 

Pray More

Pray More, Worry Less

I was a happy child I promise.

But life can be rough.

When we are faced with life’s difficulties, it can be easy to run.

We can run away from who who we are, who God calls us to be, from other people.

During some difficult moments, we seek comfort in things that will never bring us comfort.  Comfort foods, binge watching our favorite show, etc.

We are all guilty with trying to satisfy our hearts with things that will never satisfy.

Running is all too easy.

I know because I once tried to run from my emotions and bury what I was feeling inside.

But somewhere along the way, God came in and started working on me.

He revealed that those feelings would never go away until I faced them.

Those hurts and that drama would never disappear until I faced what was bothering me head on.

It can be so easy to let the loop of worry go around and around in our minds.  But my breakthrough came when I hit the pause button and prayed.

Maybe, just maybe God has a plan.

Sure, we are not in control, but in releasing the negative feelings we hide inside, we can finally breathe.

We can finally truly live, free of the baggage weighing us down.

Are you holding onto things you should let go of? Are you afraid to face painful memories of the past or unment expectations?

Dear one, I encourage you to journal through these questions:

  1. Is there anything that happened that I can’t seem to let go of? Why am I holding onto these things?

2. Are there people who have hurt me that I haven’t forgiven? Pray and release what you have been holding onto.

3. Is there something you need to forgive yourself for? Ask God for forgiveness.

No matter how long it takes, I want you to journal these questions. Really ponder them and let go of the pain of the past.

Yesterday is gone, Today is here. All we have is this moment.  But learn from your past. Don’t let pain go wasted.

For me. it was so easy to hit auto pilot and bury my feelings. But these feelings needed to be expressed.

What is so beautiful is once you pray through these questions, you can let it go.

Let go of the emptiness, of the bitterness, of the guilt.

Its beautiful and you will feel lighter, and freer.  And you can constantly learn to let these things go each time they try to resurface.

I encourage you to replace those worried thoughts and hurts from the past with trust.

Trust that God has got this.

Trust that He sees everything.

Trust that He will give you justice.

Trust that you will heal.

These are things I need to work on as well.

So every time you get a burdensome, worried thought. replace it with a prayer.

Let’s pray.

Father, thank you that you are always with me. I am a broken human being in need of Your healing.  Please go back into my memory and heal these wounds from the past. Help me to forgive myself and others for the wrongs that have been done. Lord walk with me through processing these difficult memories and help me to heal.  I know that You have always been with me, carrying me along life’s journey.  Give me the grace to forgive and healing from past wounds. Help me to pray each time a worried negative thought surfaces.  Through the saints intercession. Amen.

 

 

 

 

A Life Well Lived

My Grandad was an amazing man.

He was very close to God. He went through many hard times in his lifetime yet he decided to uplift others.  He was my father’s father and he never failed to show me that he loved me.  He was faithful to God even when he wasn’t feeling well at the end. He was a genius because he was an entrepreneur.  He was Polish and came from a strong Catholic family.  He served his country and became a banker then later founded Healing Rooms in his state.

I admire my grandfather because he loved my grandmother well.

He had a great sense of humor and had a quiet and gentle spirit.  He made me smile and he loved desserts.  I was sad to see my grandad die in 2019 but what a beautiful life he lived.  I sometimes see my dad in my grandad because of genetics.  And I smile because he never gave up.

We can learn so much from this man.

Number one to stay faithful to what God has given us to do.  He was faithful to his jobs and providing for his family. He was faithful to his friends and to his church that he faithfully served.  He and my grandmother always sent cards for Christmas and birthdays without fail.  And number three, he put God as a priority in his life always.  He pursued the things he felt God calling him to do.  He continued to help others and really got to know people.

A life well lived.

I love looking back at the lives others have lived.  Our lives are like big books and matter so much to God and to others.

Never forget that your life matters.

Enjoy life and live your purpose. What is your purpose? For starters it’s staying faithful to the responsibilities God has given you to do. I love how St. Therese tells us to live simply and follow the little path to holiness.  She is one of the holiest saints because she was faithful to what God had for her.

I love how my Grandad served his family, friends, and church well.  See these things are not so small in the eyes of God. God gave us our lives.

We do not need to do big things, rather small things with great love.

And never forget your worth. See you are worth so much because God made you in his image and you were worth dying for.  My Grandad made others feel loved by his service and kind words.  Sometimes we need to reflect on the life we are living.  Every now and then we need to look to our Heavenly Father and say “How am I doing God?”  See it is good to examine our conscience and let others know we love them.

In short, let’s live our lives keeping the end of our lives in mind and at the same time, you are doing a great job! God sees how hard you work, how many times you have shown kindness, how you put others before yourself.  Yes, my Grandad was amazing man but you are too!

I hope to graduate from Liberty University soon with a Commercial Music degree.  My dream has always been to use my art and voice to bring others close to God.

I hope I can do the little things with great love as well as some of the bigger things God put on my heart.

Sadie Robertson says in her book “Who Are You Following” that it is the private moments that prepares us for the public moments. My grandfather privately prayed and served others daily.  It is in these moments that we prepare for what God is calling us to do.

Who are you when no one else is around, when no one else is watching?

Maybe we need to spend more time with God, talk to Him.  We need prayer like we need air. Praying isn’t for God, it’s for you!  For real, sometimes we may be tempted to procrastinate and do other things other than spending time with God.  But the more time you spend with Him, the more you crave the Lord, and the closer you become to Him.  God deserves all praise.  It is like a relationship. People who are in love spend time with each other, long to be with one another. Be sure you are spending time with Him.

 

I hope you enjoyed learning from my Grandad.  Pursue those dreams in your heart.  Spend time with God.  Fall in love with Him each and every day.  Love the people you are around every day.  And take the time to get to know people.

I learned from Terri Savelle this simple thing:

What do you want to be remembered for?

Again, no pressure you don’t need to do huge things.  Maybe it’s the little things that will matter most of all.  How well you loved, how were you faithful to the small things, how you followed the path God called you to.

 

I encourage you! Spend time thinking over this question!

 

I am cheering for you!  I really am in your corner! You are in my prayers!

 

Grace

I Will Trust in Your Love

I Will Trust in Your Love

God I can’t make it through another night.

Will everything be okay?

These are the thoughts that trickled into my mind as I tried to fall asleep.

I was worrying about this or that, stuck in the past, but actually terrified to take any steps forward.

Should I get up?  What am I avoiding?

Sometimes, I would feel anxiety at night. It would come and try to make itself home in my head, plant lies like weeds in my heart.

But then morning would come, and everything would feel fresh.

“What was I so worried about?” I wondered.

See my perspective had shifted while I was sleeping.  The daunting night had actually given light to a new day.  Sunlight streamed into my heart.

A popular Christian song sometimes plays in my mind.  I hum the lyrics,

When You don’t move the mountains
I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You

God doesn’t always answer my prayers the way I want Him to.

It’s tragic, sometimes I just don’t know what to think about the things that hurt. That sting.  How did those situations help me again God?

But it is in those beautiful places that flowers blossom.

Blossoms of change, of purpose, of compassion.

I grow and seasons change.

In fact, I have grown so much from having depression.  From feeling comparison.  From feeling hopelessness.

God had a plan for me all along.

But in those hard moments, I couldn’t see it.  I didn’t understand it.  That is what is so beautiful and mysterious about God.  He uses the good and the bad times to teach us, to produce fruit in our lives.

If you are in a rock and a hard place, turn to God.  Ask Him in and

Don’t worry.

Beautiful things happen when we trust Him and His love.

Remember, He loves you.

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:14

 

 

 

So, I Have to Love Everybody?

“Love everybody, always.”

These words are the theme to Bob Goff’s newest book, appropriately titled Everybody Always.

Bob Goff is quite the interesting guy.  He sky dives with his son on weekends.  He pretends to be a wax figure at Madame Tussauds wax museum.  He even toilet papers a neighbors house with a woman dying of cancer. (true story).

I found myself laughing out loud as I turned the pages of this wonderful book.

In fact, it’s wonderfully, life changing.

See, as I found myself amused with the stories he shares, I am also challenged by his words to love always.

I always knew kindness was the key, the gateway to God’s love and a human heart.  I usually make it a point to be kind to people I come across.  Yet, sometimes I am faced with the challenge of loving others I don’t agree with.  Or of holding a grudge against someone who hurt me long ago.

But God loves me every second of every day.

He picks me up when I am down.  And he welcomes me in His arms every day.  He lovingly gives me second chances and people.

He gives me these people to love.

To many of us, love comes easy.  Love others, be loved.  Easy as breathing.

But if we were completely honest with ourselves, we also see that we don’t love 100 percent of the time.  I’m not really an expert, just a novice that understands,

“Wow.  Everyone needs love.”

Everyone.  The person at the grocery store.  The person who annoys you at work.  The person who just cut you off in traffic.  The ex boyfriend and ex girlfriend.  The person who you need to forgive.

Even that random person on social media.  See I am a firm believer that God puts people in our paths for a reason.  Maybe you could be that person’s healing, that person who brightens their day.

So now that we know we need to love, what is love exactly?

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor  others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

 

This is so key to living a victorious life in Christ.  Christ said “Love your neighbor as yourself.” and this was considered one of the Greatest Commandments.

It is our highest calling to love others who are different than us.

Don’t be afraid to love.  Reach out right now, touch someone you know.

Love protects the innocent.  Love heals the blind.

Love is  a beautiful thing.